Your prospect opens your email… Reads the first few sentences… And then DELETES your email IN FRUSTRATION.
Because your first few sentences didn’t match the subject line and it confused and frustrated them.
The email felt like a waste of time… Like maybe the subject line was clickbait.
It’s like opening the door to a chocolate shop and finding lawn mowers.
YOU WERE PROMISED CHOCOLATE!
“Where’s the chocolate??!”
“This can’t be the right place… let’s get out of here!”
I just opened an email that promised… “How to get budget approval for copywriting school.”
Yes, this was written not just by a copywriter, but by someone who TEACHES COPYWRITING.
And yet the first 33 lines of that email don’t say a word about getting budget approval for copywriting school (I kid you not!)
Halfway through the email the writer finally (FINALLY!) states:
So what’s getting in the way of you joining 9 gazillion (my number) copywriters and marketers in my fantastic copywriting school?
Most likely: Budget approval
Chop off the entire first half of the email, start with these three lines and then go from there, and it could be an effective email.
But what did I do when I first received this email? After reading several lines that appeared unrelated to the subject line, I closed it.
Then I reopened it and scrolled down because I was thinking this could make a good lesson for all of us.
As I was scrolling I found a totally unrelated large gif of a woman closing her eyes and shaking her head. Guess what? That only confused me more.
We shouldn’t have to rewrite emails written by someone who teaches copy.
And yet, here we are.
Received within the same hour from an online marketer I KNOW is pulling down a minimum of 7 figures was this subject line and first two lines of this email:
Subject Line: System to add 30K to 100K per month
First line of email: Want to work together to add [30K to 100K+] per month to your monthly bottom line?
Second line: My system produces this type of revenue for winners who add in “big-fee” or “high-priced” programs to what they do... or to those who need a more compelling and irresistible offer.
Notice the first line expands on the subject line. No confusion here, and we get more clarification, too.
The second line explains how this is possible, building credibility that he knows what he’s talking about.
I’m two lines into this email and instead of confusion I have a VERY good idea of what’s going on, how it works and why I would benefit by reading the rest of the email.
Notice it’s not even written all that well. Adding 30K per month to your monthly bottom line? No English teacher would let that go, and yet the reader knows exactly what he’s saying.
I’d lose the “for winners” and instead say something like, “for smart marketers”.
But that’s just me nit-picking. The fact is, you’ve only got seconds to make your subscriber GLAD she opened the email. Don’t confuse her. Don’t make her slog through 30 lines to get to the point. Respect her time and get to the heart of the matter FAST.
This doesn’t mean you can’t tell stories, either. After that second line above, you might launch into a story of how you helped poor miserable Marketing Mavis do this exact thing. The point is, your reader now knows what the devil you’re talking about and she’s now willing to go along on the journey with you because you TOLD HER exactly what this email is all about.
Sorry, I know sometimes I go off on a rant when I see shoddy marketing like this, but I just get so frustrated at how people get in their own way.
Keep it simple. Make your first line expand on your subject line. Lay out the foundation immediately so that readers know they are in the RIGHT PLACE.
Then and only then should you launch into your fancy stuff, stories, details and so forth.
Try it and see if your click-through rate doesn’t improve dramatically.